Take Thinking Back: Why 97% of Kids Fall Behind
Screen Time is Not The Real Problem.
The War for Your Child’s Imagination (and yours)
Last night, my wife and I stumbled into one of those late-night conversations that keep you thinking long after the lights are out. It started with a deceptively simple question: Do we trust books?
“No.” I replied.
“We don’t trust books—we expose ourselves to them so that we can add to our perspective in how we view the world. We take in their ideas, let them challenge or reinforce what we already believe, and then we decide what to keep.”
She nodded, then added. “And when you're reading fantasy, you're the one in control, right? You decide how everything looks, how it all feels, right?" She asked.
That’s when I realized something about stories, about imagination, and about control.
I said: "No, I think you're only in control of how you want to use that information because you actually let go. That's the beauty of reading books. You let go of your own active thinking, and you allow somebody else to drive your imagination for you, in a controlled and consensual way."
Then came the question that changed the whole conversation. “So what’s the difference between books and TV? Because with TV, you get that same imagination.” - she added.
“No, no. TV is by-passing your imagination. Images are external. Done for you. Giving you less time to react. Less time to back away from a threat to your mind. It shapes your values, or beliefs.” - I said.
As a marketer, ex-media manipulator and a lifelong enthusiast of psychology, philosophy and other “dark arts”: This is where things get dangerous.
Allow me to reveal to you the subtle witchcraft at work - and don’t take my word for it.
With a book, your mind builds the world—it decides the colors, the faces, the emotions. But TV? TV hijacks that process. It hands you the images, the music, the timing. It speeds past your defenses, bypassing your ability to question and adapt, shaping your perception before you even realize it.
And it’s not just my opinion.
Media psychologists and cognitive scientists have been studying this for decades. In fact, notice something next time you watch something:
The industry has mastered this. The Average Shot Length (ASL) to keep your attention, induce any feeling they want you to feel, and develop sympathy for whatever they want you to, is 2.5 seconds.
Sorry, there is no “Age Appropriate” things to watch for kids.
Even in “Age appropriate” cartoons, youtube influencers or documentaries, you’ll notice the angle, the zoom, or the scene changes every 2.5 seconds on average so that you have less time to process critically.
Experts found that the way we consume information—whether by reading, watching, or passively scrolling—fundamentally changes how we think. More importantly, it changes how our children’s minds develop. And if we’re not careful, we’re letting their imagination be outsourced to the highest bidder.
Let’s dive into the science, I call the “dark arts”.
Here is how our brains process information from books versus television:
1. Cognitive Load and Imagination + The Role of Control and Consent
Books require active cognitive engagement, while television is a passive cognitive experience.
This is how it works: Books require active cognitive engagement, while television is a passive experience.
When reading, you interpret symbols, which are the letters, you construct mental images or feelings, trigger memories, and engage in inner dialogue, and fill in details left unsaid. Exactly as cognitive load theory suggests, with self-generated imagery strengthening memory and comprehension. In this controlled, more consensual surrender of your imagination, you determine the pace, interpretation, and depth of your engagement.
By contrast, when watching TV, your brain absorbs pre-selected visual and auditory information at a fixed pace, reducing your ability to pause and reflect before the next stimulus arrives.
In essence, books encourage a deep, negotiated surrender of thought, while TV imposes external storytelling with minimal user control, leading to more automatic consumption of narratives.
Key insight: Books allow for a negotiated surrender of thought, while TV imposes external storytelling with minimal user control.
The difference:
2. The Psychological Effect of Fiction vs. Reality
To our discussion on books containing fiction or lies: Fiction allows for hypothetical thinking, a fundamental way we get knowledge, (human cognition). It enables us to test ideas in a safe environment.
Industry wizards know that the brain treats fiction as real on an emotional level, which is why stories impact us deeply.
But misinformation in books is different. Unlike movies, where visuals bypass skepticism, reading gives more room for critical engagement—we analyze and question as we read. This aligns with research in “epistemic vigilance”, which suggests that people are more likely to question written claims than spoken or visual ones.
Key insight: Books encourage critical thinking, whereas TV delivers emotionally compelling but often unquestioned narratives.
3. Time to Resist Persuasion and Spell Casting
The conversation with my wife hints at a major difference in media influence—books allow time for psychological resistance while TV overwhelms the brain. Persuasion studies suggest that rapid, emotionally charged content (like cartoons or social media videos) lowers cognitive defenses, making it easier for external ideas to shape values and beliefs.
Books, on the other hand, provide the mental space to step back, question, and integrate new perspectives on our own terms.
Key insight: TV reduces time for critical engagement, making it more persuasive than books.
So to resume before I show you the antidotes:
Since the TV era, then internet and now social media, there has been fundamental shifts in media consumption—from active participation (books) to passive immersion (TV) which now resembles more and more like the stories Shamans, Priests and even War Generals told.
This discussion is crucial today, as people consume more information passively, and driven by the desire of their thumb. The ability to choose how we process information—whether we let it shape us or critically engage with it—is more relevant than ever.
How to break the spells, take back thinking, and give control to your kids, using the small 3 percent rule (which is to introduce something small, making it seem new, safe but familiar) :
Kids model what they see, not what they’re told. They instinctively want to become you, so you must intentionally turn your phone into a tool for learning, productivity, and communication—not a dopamine dispenser. If you must use your phone, tell them why you will. Explain your use of it and your choices to them. This will also help you in becoming a more intentional consumer type of screen user. Congratulation, you just get yourself an accountability partner.
If you have a TV or laptop make it a special event, not a background hypnotist. Treat it like a deliberate experience rather than passive noise.
Introduce video as late as possible and slow it down. Almost all platforms like youtube, allow you to slow the video down. A good speed is often 0.75 but sometimes 0.50, to lower that Average Scene Length (ASL) we talked about.
Chose more methodical content—animal documentaries, woodworking, block building, gardening, fishing. The images still move, and they’ll still engage, feel, and stare. Trust me, they will get exposed to all the other stuff out there. Stuff you will eventually watch with them someday anyways. Which leads to:
Be with them, allow and ask questions and commentaries. Pause. Show them who is in control-not the device or the autoplay. Break the trance.
Create a habit of reading before watching. As they grow, require them to read first so their minds lead, not follow. This builds delayed gratification and teaches them to "earn" their dopamine.
Never demonize screen time. Criticizing it—especially in public or around friends—only makes it more desirable and risks creating shame and unhealthy relationships with it. Instead, treat it as an intentional, limited exception.
Go to a library on a weekly basis. Check your local community centers for activities and story times. Let them pick from the “age appropriate” section. Yes, reading level should be respected, and topics should be filtered.
How to Explain This to Kids in Simple Words
"Your brain is like a movie studio. Reading helps you choose your own movies before TV does it for you."
"If you only watch, you borrow someone else’s ideas. If you read first, you grow your own ideas."
"Reading first makes you smarter because it lets you think before TV shows you what to think."
"We do 1 page for every 10 minutes of TV so your brain gets strong before the screen takes over." (adapt appropriately)
"Later, when you're older, you'll be able to decide what’s true and what’s fake because your mind will already know how to think."
And don’t forget, boredom is not evil.
As a parent, I get it: we sometimes need them to focus on something. For peace sake.
But ask yourself this: Can I entrust my child to a Shaman, a Priest or a War Lord without anything going wrong? Screens, may not be evil, but people incentivized to be on screen have their own agenda.
We've always heard that tv has programming.
It was always right in our faces. Don't despair, even if your kid is 5 or 8 or 12, it's not too late to use the 3% technique to reprogram and break the spell over their mind.
Start with yourself. Set an example.
You don't have to be extreme, or perfect: Our first son was about 3 years old when he watch his first youtube video. It was a real life motocross competition, which we slowed down. It was a few days right before we went to a real one, in Poland, Glogow.
We wanted him to make the link. He was mesmerized. Our second son though... was exposed to much more, much sooner because of his little brother and his friends and cousins. But he has not seen a full 10 minute video yet. So give yourself some slack. And be empathetic, there will be withdrawals.
The example part.
Set an example by transforming your phone into a tool for learning, not a mere dopamine dealer. Remember, kids model what they see, so explain your choices and be mindful of how you use screens.
You have no authority if you tell them not to swear, but you do.
If you tell them not to gossip, or smoke, but you do.
If you tell them to exercise, but you don’t.
If you tell them to say sorry…
But you never apologize.
The intention part.
There’s a twist: when your child reads, they might feel in control of their imagination, but in reality, even their “Hogwarts” is built from someone else’s words—J.K. Rowling’s, for instance—not entirely of their own creation. Both books and TV mess with the brain’s reward system, just in different ways.
Be picky.
At least books make your child wait for the good stuff, building patience and depth, while TV gives instant hits that might leave them chasing fleeting dopamine bursts.
The empathy part.
If you, or your child struggles to focus when reading, that’s not solely their fault. Science tells us that self-pacing isn’t always a superpower. Especially for brains prone to ADHD, where too many choices can overwhelm. And while your child’s imagination might seem free, it’s really shaped by their culture, age, and biases; TV can either reinforce or smash those boundaries with its pre-made visuals and rapid-fire storytelling.
Interestingly, TV’s “laziness” in doing the heavy visual lifting isn’t all bad. It can even help neurodivergent brains that struggle with creating detailed mental images.
Yet, books demand trust in the author, locking you into decoding their words rather than co-creating your own narrative. And let’s not forget: while binge-watchers might recall plot twists better than someone slogging through a book, that rapid pace is like poetry in motion—forcing the brain to find meaning in chaos, even if it means bypassing the slower, more deliberate process of active thinking.
Ultimately, your brain wasn’t built solely for books: humans have gathered around fires for stories for thousands of years, and TV’s rapid pacing taps into that ancient wiring.
The key is balance with real life experiences, intentionality and critical discussions or exchanges of opinions.
By introducing a simple habit, like simply reading one page for every 10 minutes of screen time (the 3% rule), you help your child learn delayed gratification, ensure their mind leads rather than follows, and reclaim control over their cognitive development. Remember, it’s not about demonizing screen time; it’s about guiding it, so that both your child’s imagination and your own remain truly in your control.
Anyways, back to your regular programming. ;)
Scientific and “dark arts” Sources:
1. Cognitive Load and Imagination + The Role of Control and Consent:
Cognitive Load During Problem Solving: Effects on Learning
Cognitive Load Theory (John Sweller) - InstructionalDesign.org
2. The Psychological Effect of Fiction vs. Reality:
Emotion and Narrative Fiction: Interactive Influences Before, During, and After Reading
3. Time to Resist Persuasion and Spell Casting:
Communication and Persuasion: Central and Peripheral Routes to Attitude Change
Some Attitudinal and Cognitive Consequences of Thought
4. The Impact of Average Shot Length (ASL) on Attention:
5. The Role of Media in Cognitive Development:
The Impact of Media Use on Children's Sleep, Learning, and Behavior
Extra:
https://pressbooks.pub/techandcurr2019/chapter/cognitive-load/
https://trainingindustry.com/articles/content-development/balancing-mental-demands-cognitive-load-theory-in-training-design/
https://www.ieltsluminary.com/post/reading-books-keeps-mind-active
https://engnovate.com/ugc-ielts-writing-task-2-essays/reading-books-keeps-a-persons-mind-active-6666ebc97f5e0/
https://ieltsing.com/writing/reading-books-keeps-a-persons-mind-active-whereas-watching-films-and-television-is-passive-and-does-not-require-AQN5w
